Its been a long time since ive last written… and well a lot of things have happened. I have started student teaching and well that exhausting to say the least but I love it so far! But lets get to the point of this post… I got some news the other day that I didnt see coming… and it just got me thinking about where i am now… but anyways ive been down lately and just mad at God because I feel like I give everything and dont get anything back… and maybe ive been looking at life and faith completely wrong. I cant do nice things to just expect good things to happen… i should do them because its the right thing to do… but im just in a bad time right now in life… and well now is when I need him more than ever to let me know hes with me. I hope he can give me some inspiration again someday soon.
Latest
Time changes things… but Family will always be at Heart
Being back home for winter break is always soo nice… I dont get much of a chance to come back often during the school year. The best part about break is getting to see my family, you start missing them the older you get. I stayed up till 2:00 am tonight talking with my mom, about how life was when she grew up in Thialand, asked about how she first felt when moving here to the US and hearing stories about their life here in the US and wow that was so powerful. It makes you put so many things into perspective. Hearing about how poor they were, and how much they had to sacrifice to even get us to where we are today just breaks my heart because I know the sacrifices that theyve made for us and im so thankful. I couldnt help but tear up listening to the stories. I loved hearing stories about us when we were young, all the things we did growing up like going to the park every afternoon after my parents were done with work. Growing up my family and lots of other Hmong families always went to Marathon Park to hang out in the afternoon, I remember some of it but not too much, life was soo peaceful. My mom said she decided to go back there one day (its been about 13 years) and everything is slowly changing kind of like our lives. She remembers us playing on the swingsets, people playing volleyball and cards and now the two poles that held the volleyball nets still stand there with grass taken over the sand, newer swingsets are put in, and the tables where the elderly played cards are now gone… Its amazing how time changes things and how much we as people changed too… Over the last 2 years ive gone through so much, I have a greater appreciation for my family, my faith and my friends. I look back on the stories my mom tells and it just reminds me too that someday they won’t be here for us anymore and it breaks my heart. Which is why I spend as much time as I can talking with mom, golfing with dad because time is going to slowly change things. Like my mom remembers with the park I hope to be able to look back someday and tell my own kids about how wonderful of a journey life has been. 1:Thessalonians 5:18 In everything give thanks for this is Gods will for you in Christ Jesus.
Life after death…
We had the funeral for my little cousin Chue yesterday… man was it sad… it was probably the first time that ive cried like that in a while…. he was like a little brother to me! We used to hang out all the time, but i hadnt gotten a chance to talk to him over the past few years and well now he’s gone… Ask I said good bye to my aunt, i could see all the pain in her eyes and i literally just bawled in her lap sometime things are just too overpowering. One of my other cousins had a dream about him the other day… said he saw him sitting ontop of a desk playing on his phone smiling… which really made me happy knowing that maybe he was in a better place… my aunt said that there was a gross hopper in her shop the other day with a broken leg, she picked it up and set it outside to let it live… the next day she came back to the shop at the grasshopper showed up again… my cousin passed away with a broken leg also… maybe this was his way of saying that he still loved her and that he’d always be around… But no matter what everything happens for a reason, and I just hope he’s in a better place where he has no worries now and can finally just be happy! Please look over me and let me know youre doing alright =) I hope to see you again someday!
Stay Strong Keep Strong
Ive been pretty guilty of not writing very often but ohwell! Anyways since my last post life once again has been pretty crazy… things from school to family stuff. About a week and a half ago our cousins life was taken away from us and well thats been soo tough because he was like a little brother to me. But I know that no matter where he goes I know that he will always be watching over me because knowing him he didnt care what anyone said and hed be there for me in a second! I also know that no matter what happens our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ has better plans for us in the end no matter what happened… idk if where he is now is a better place than it is here but I know hes doing well! As for this whole thing happening its really brought our family even closer now and no matter what happens Family always comes FIRST! As for myself things get confusing here or there but in the end you just gotta look up and know someones watching over you and all you can really do is just live your life to the fullest because you never know… Last night I had some Chinese take out for a lunch/dinner…. and for the first time I actually got a fortune…”The Best Is Yet To Come” that was soo powerful because I needed a sign right now… to wrap it up… be thankful for who and what you have because lifes too short to worry about anything else… Just be you and be great and theres nothing else you should worry about! God Bless everyone… take a moment and pray not for a better life but to be a stronger person and pray for those who are here for you and lastly pray and be thankful that today is another Blessed day! Luke 2:4 #Pray
We are who we are…
Holy cow its been a long time since ive written in this bad boy… I kind of missed it not gonna lie. Since the last time I wrote school has been going well so far… this semester we have block the semester before student teaching… I didnt really know what to expect out of block but its been amazing so far… the best part isnt just getting ready to teach but getting a chance to learn from some of the best teachers possible! Lately ive been in this weird funk of not really knowing what I wanted to do after school is out.. Dont gt me wrong here… i want to teach there’s no doubt about that… but i sit there and think about taking the time to do something life changing… Ive always wanted to go to Africa and volunteer… or part of me has kind of wanted to do some mission work also! I hate when people preach about God and Christianity because honestly who are we to tell someone what they should or shouldnt believe… I simply want to ask people to take a moment to listen to my story… how God has changed my life for the better and if that makes a difference in them then awesome… and if not id like to thank you for taking the time to listen…What ive learned from block is that we cannot imitate our rolemodels… we will never be able to do exactly what those we have looked up to do… but simply we take a little piece from every role model that we have had and we form our own role model that some day someone else will look too… Take a look at yourself and self reflect on who you are today… are you exactly like a role model or are u made up of different pieces of your role models? Live you life and be you… learn from the past and present and apply it to whats most important… from the lyrics of “Time of your life” by TimeFlies… BE YOU AND BE GREAT!
Time Flies when you’re having fun! (Summer 2012)
Silence is the loudest
Recently before bed i’ve been turning on some tunes and turning off my TV. It’s such a weird feeling sitting there in a dark room with only music playing. It is as if you can actually feel the music that is on in the background. Emotions are running so high as I sit there and just lay and listen to the words. One of the songs that came on was I can’t make you love me by Bon Iver… to be honest ive never really been a big fan of him because i don’t think he has a great voice… but as i was laying there i could feel the emotion and pain in his voice to this song and now im a little addicted. We’ve all had that crush where we wish we could build up enough courage to say something to them but never do… sometimes I wonder what if ? would I be the person that I am today if every person you liked they liked you back? I’m not gonna lie… Sometimes i still think of past relationships and all the great times and what ive learn from them… never have i ever regretted any of them either… we all make mistakes and we move on.. its part of life and a part of life that i’m okay with right now in my life. As i was out last night with some friends, one of them asked me why I never try to hit on girls out at the bars… I didnt really have a reason to be honest… i guess ive always been one of those people who knows that i want more than just physical attraction. Sure there are plenty of good looking girls out there… but where are the ones who want to have a sincere conversation? Where are the ones who love god, and have a great soul? I sometimes think i take things too serious but right now im 22 about to turn 23… its my time to live life a little… i’m absolutely okay being single right now because who knows where this wonderful world is gonna take me… I can’t wait to graduate but im scared because I have no idea what im gonna do or what opportunities are going to come my way… but thats part of life =) I know that someday God will show me my calling and I know he’ll bless everyone with love… some people try too hard these days… love happens at the most random times! So if you’re a single soul out there in this world don’t worry because they will come your way… Ive learned soo much from other relationships that If i could do things over again my only true loves would be my family and God… through them you’ll find true happiness! I guess thats my rant for the night! Keep dreaming big and never fall short of what you want! Time flies by real quick… before you know it you’re gonna be looking back… don’t look back to regrets but to acceptance of why things happened =) “Don’t ask God for an easier life… ask Him to make you a stronger person!”
The end of an era…
Today was my last day of work… as most people would jump of joy… I was kind of sad… I truly will miss it! Coming into the season I guess I wasn’t really sure what to expect. To be honest I was a little nervous as it was my first summer away from home and I would be working with complete strangers. But I also knew that all I could do was trust in God as he would play this summer out the way that it should go. This summer ended being one I will never forget… the complete strangers that I worked with have become part of a family that I will miss soo much. We all come from different back grounds, different ages, different majors but we all had the same love for all the children we worked with this summer! Getting a chance to work with students with a disability might be one of the most rewarding jobs ever. Nothing beats seeing the smiles on their faces. This really just excites me to get out into the education field, which im also pretty worried about… it my last year of school and well… I guess I don’t really know where my heart is as of right now… but I know that God will lead the way and show me my calling. But until then there is 3 weeks of school left so I guess I should probably go enjoy them! Last summer as a college kid… go big or don’t go at all!
From something to nothing…
I didn’t plan on writing tonight at all but since I can’t sleep why not? The thought that i’m stuck with tonight is how in a matter of moments you can go from being absolutely everything to absolutely nothing… its a thought that gets stuck in my mind quite often to be honest. Whether it has to do with sports, friends or even relationships. Its the worst feeling in the world… we see nasty injuries, back stabbing, and break ups that turn people from someones everything to nothing. In the end though we learn from it and we eventually move on… whether that takes a day or a lifetime, we pull ourselves together in the most times of need. After going through something like this… I’ve realized that the only people in the end that you’ll still mean everything to is your family… and God. If I could live my life over and know what I’ve learned these past few years there is no doubt that my Family and God would be the only true loves of my life, because in the end they are the ones who will still love you for who you are. We all get stuck in this stage of mind saying that we need to try and fit in with the cool kids… some people spend half their childhood trying to fit in, which is sad because as we grow older, we only wish to have those moments back. I worked with a boy who has Autism for 3 yrs and I have learned soo much from him too. I learned that in his world he doesn’t see race… he doesn’t see fashion… he doesn’t see cool kids or losers… what he see’s is a world full of possibilities whether that is to be able to draw out a tree from Teletubbies or be in the play Cats. He is one of the happiest kids I have ever seen! Sometimes I wish that everyone in this world could see life through a person with a disabilities eyes. One where nothing matters but oneself and just loving life one day at a time. I guess i’m not really sure where i’m going with this post, but i guess I just wanted to leave with this thought. Don’t try to be someone you’re not… because in a matter of moments your world could come crumbling down. Be true to yourself and love those who mean the most to you… because when your world does crumble down… they are the ones there to help pull you back up! Live your life to the fullest… who cares what you wear, who cares about race…or even trying to fit in. This world is full of wonderful opportunities which sometimes we are too scared to reach out and grab… Dream Big Work Hard #JJ Watt
gLORious State of Mind 